The Miserable

I noticed something.

“Every silver lining has a touch of grey.” This is the hook of one of my favorite Grateful Dead songs, written by Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter. These days, I think a lot of people can no longer see the silver, and only see grey.

This week, while filming a weekly news recap, I noticed myself incorporating stories driven by horribly negative online discourse. I covered the Duchess of Sussex’s new Netflix show, With Love, Meghan. She has been criticized her for smiling too much, people are making long video essays about how it all seems fake to them. The Sun posted a clip of Meghan singing to the melody of Kelis' Milkshake: my bacon brings all the boys to the yard. This was outrageous and crude coming from a royal, according to them. She is just singing a silly song, having fun. I do this with my partner all the time, remixing songs to fit the activity at hand.

Meghan is happy and kind, and this is very offensive to The Miserable. The Miserable all have one thing in common: they believe good things do not happen. Also, no one should be happy about anything.

The Miserable played a key role in another story, now they dominated 2 out of the 5 stories in my big news rundown: The Oscar win for No Other Land. The film depicts the Palestinian existence and struggle for liberation, a topic that rarely ever penetrates into mainstream media. The win was met with backlash, of course. But not by Israelis, by The Miserable members of the movement for Palestinian freedom. They argued the Israeli contributors to the film have not all publicly called for comprehensive rights for all Palestinians. So, the win normalizes the Israeli imperial view of Palestine and the Oscar win is actually bad for the cause.

I see this happen on a deeply personal level. I was on vacation a week ago and left -8 degree Iowa for sunny California. After months of eating well and getting back into a better exercise routine, I felt really good about posting a photo in a bikini by the pool. A follower told me I should eat a sandwich. I brought this up with my partner, and said it is rude for people to comment on a woman's weight. He said that those guys do not actually mean it. I said: well they just have a preference for a woman with more meat on her, and think all women should meet their expectations of beauty. He offered an alternative perspective, that they actually just want to attack women’s confidence, they simply hate confident women. 

She’s fit and confident enough to post a bikini pic? Well, actually, she’s too skinny and needs to eat a sandwich. Meghan got her own show about leading life with love? Well, actually, no one is that happy or kind, and she is fake for smiling and acting nice. A political cause I care about just got major recognition in the public sphere? Well, actually, this sets us back from achieving our goals.

If they get a whiff of positivity, and The Miserable will respond with reasons why you should change your attitude. They will bend logic to explain how things are worse off now. If you make a funny joke with the best of intentions, they will take you literally, and argue with their idea of what you said. They are not trolls, haters, incels, woke police, or anything of the sort. They are just miserable.

I think people are being labeled “incels” or members of the “woke mob” unnecessarily. People who are woke in the sense that they understand and call out systems of oppression are not the same as those who endlessly and aimlessly critique people with social justice buzzwords. People who are involuntarily celibate and politely reach high levels on video games and contribute wisdom deep in Reddit threads are not the same as men who tear down on women to feel dominant. Those people are miserable. It transcends politics and culture.

The Miserable attempt to convince others of their miserable view of the world. Their condition is contagious. It insists on spreading. If someone seems happy, they have an impulse to attack it, not because it makes them feel something, but because happiness is impossible. To keep their sky from falling, others’ lives must match their view of reality. They argue for their worldview: a world of sadness where only bad things happen. Arguing for reasons against good things happening and people feeling happiness has become their constant mode.

How are The Miserable so effective? I think it is because comments and posts on the internet all appear in the same font, and the same size. If they were to spew the same nonsense in a public forum, audible groans would drown out their unnecessarily negative view. It is antithetical to progress to insist everything is bad and going backwards. However, because The Miserable have an outsized presence online, they have an outsized impact.

I can understand being righteously angry about the condition of the world, and more specifically the United States. However, The Miserable are not criticizing our failing systems and the people in power who maintain them. The Miserable do have a sense of justice, a signature move within their pattern of behavior is constantly pointing out what people are doing wrong. Not just badly, but wrong in a moral sense. To truly believe in justice, you have to believe systems can change for the better, and people can change for good. You have to believe good things can happen. This part of their brain, or their hearts, is what I think is broken.

I think a lot about how Maslow's hierarchy of needs comes into play here. Many people are struggling to maintain stable shelter, access to food, and community. Life in America suggests depression is the assumed mode, not a rare mental illness. The Miserable collectively cry for help, and I encourage any psychologists and psychiatrists to grapple with that theory.

A great tool in fostering change is giving something a name. The Miserable, being called what they are, allows us to collectively groan and dismiss them as necessary. Also, perhaps pointing out what they are doing may help them see things differently, too.

Here’s some more from Touch of Grey:

I see you got your list out
Say your piece and get out
Yes, I get the gist of it
But it's alright

Sorry that you feel that way
The only thing there is to say
Every silver lining's got a
Touch of grey

I would love your thoughts.  Comments are open for anyone to chime in. Share your stories of miserables, what you think about The Miserable concept, and your thoughts on Touch of Grey.